106th Street. Porcupines and Condoms!

My friend Kim-Wen has just returned from a hike in South Africa, he learnt of my passion for animals and wildlife and he chanced upon a quill of a porcupine on the jungle floor during one of his hikes. The chance of one picking a quill from the body of a porcupine is about 1:100. Porcupines are extremely defensive creatures and anyone attempting to attack the porcupine (or touch it for that matter) will find that they’ll be leaving with nothing but a handful of quills painfully embedded in their skins.

However, like how snakes moult, porcupines will shed their old quills and have newer and sharper quills growing back. The quill in which Kim-Wen brought back from me had to be either of the old quills which is dropped by the porcupine, or it’s one of the quills that was brushed off the attacker’s body. And contrary to popular belief, porcupines can’t shoot their quills at their attackers. Either case, the quill which I got is really sharp! I can’t imagine having this stuck to my skin!

One top of the quill, which, I liked very much, Kim-Wen, of all the possible things he could get, got me a condom. However, it was not just any condom, it’s a SOUTH AFRICAN condom. What’s the difference? Well, South African condoms have a much wider rim or girth. Yes, it’s really much bigger than any other condoms in the world. Kim-Wen noted, having seen a few himself, that South Africans have really HUGE penises. He admitted that it was a bruise to his male ego when he caught a side of those monster penises… proving once and for all that we are NOT all made equal.

The weird thing is that Kim-Wen chose to give me the huge condom in front of four other girls. Initially, the girls squealed in disgust, but later, I think they were all enthralled by Kim-Wen’s description of the huge African penises – well, whoever says size doesn’t matter?

Porcupine quills and condoms… who could have thought they make great gifts?